Kim's Journey To Motherhood

I really got to do better

In terms of updating this.  Well, there are other things I could improve upon in life, but you know what I mean.  

I digress.

Saturday will officially be 10 weeks.  I’m kind of in a bit of denial.  The miscarriage with the identical twins last year happened sometime in the 8th week (I found out in the 9th week).  I’ve passed that point, but I’m not out of the woods by any means.  Nevertheless, seeing these twins’ heartbeats on the ultrasound monitor earlier this week made all the difference in the world for my psyche.  If nothing else, I beat my own best record.  That’s got to count for something.  When I get to 10 weeks and stop taking the Crinone, I think I’ll hit another mark of nervousness.

Luckily (kind of), I have an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctors on the 19th.  That will be able to help ease my mind as I’m certain they’ll be doing an ultrasound while I’m there.  And although some people don’t want all of these ultrasounds, they really put my mind at ease in a way that nothing else can. At least not yet.  When we’re able to finally hear heartbeats without ultrasounds maybe that will change.  Such is the curse of the infertility and pregnancy loss survivor.  

I’m feeling alright.  Still having stomach issues, but nothing that I can’t handle in the long run.  I’m apparently super sensitive to the sun right now as I got sunburned up north this past weekend…wearing SPF 60 sunscreen.  The exhaustion comes and goes.  It’s never truly gone or normal, but it gets better and worse in severity.  

My legs hurt and ache a lot.  Just a heavy feeling.  It eases up if I stretch, so I’m pretty sure it’s just stuff growing down there.  And I feel that, too.  The uterine muscles stretching is a weird sensation.  It hurts but it’s not a horrible hurt.  It doesn’t last long at least.  

I’m still not able to eat a ton.  In fact, since the last time I was at the allergist’s office for an actual appointment (April or May), I have lost 20+ pounds.  Since I went to the OB a couple of weeks ago, I’ve lost 4.  Not exactly the direction things need to be headed.  The doctor wasn’t too worried about it yet, but we did decide to add a nutrition shake.  I haven’t gotten that yet.  

So much happening and yet I spend most days in front of my computer zoned out because it’s all too much.  Sometimes I get a brief window of energy in the afternoon.  Today is not one of those days.  I’m just going to ride it out until 5 and try again tomorrow.  

Oh, and if you’re around me…don’t make or eat chicken.  It is the worst smell ever.  EVER.